I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
