life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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