We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
