I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
