I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
