Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
