I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
