The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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