ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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