Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
