I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
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I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.