John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
is that a dick in a sweater?