I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event