you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!