she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.