why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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