My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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