so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
