dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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