508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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