Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
