dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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