Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
