Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
