I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
