just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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