Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
