I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
