Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.