And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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