I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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