I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
