Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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