Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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