Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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