He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
