He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
