Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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