My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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