Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
