Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
