she looked like the before picture.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
