When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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