I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize