I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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