I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
