Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
