Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
