so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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