This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
