Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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