I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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