My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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