any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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