Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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