I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
