I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
