I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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