glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
