Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
