I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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