12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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