You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
