Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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