Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
