she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
