if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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