Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
