so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My pussy is not your playground.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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